I come across this particular myth all the time. We could call it a myth. Or we could call it a limiting belief.

It’s found all over the place in personal development speak. I think I probably have it sprinkled liberally all over my own web site.

And, in some senses, this statement is true: You already have all the resources you need to achieve whatever you want to achieve.

You know how it goes: If you think you can’t, then you’re right – you can’t. If you think you can, then you can. That’s the powerfully hypnotic effect of our ’self-talk,’ those scripts we’re constantly running somewhere inside our minds. By taking the conscious decision to choose to believe that we can do something, we can actually start to make it happen.

My job is to help people to recognise, uncover, rediscover, nurture and love into being their special abilities and inner resources for positive change.

On the other hand, that pesky statment can also act as a limiting belief: I already have all the resources I need to achieve whatever I want to achieve. (So I don’t have to do anything. I’ll just lie back and close my eyes and the therapist will do it all for me.)

This is where the ‘magic wand’ perception of hypnotherapy can be so unhelpful.

Because we have to actively grow and cultivate a mindset, an attitude, behaviors and habits that create our sense of well-being. We have to work at them every day. It requires commitment and effort.

Get to know your resources, even the nascent ones, the hidden or not-quite-ready-yet ones. Recognise the difference between the knowledge and skills that you might not have yet and the stuff you already know how to do. Fill in the gaps. With love and patience and curiosity towards yourself.

You have the capacity to learn and grow everything that you need to learn and grow. And you will need to actively cultivate it.

That’s the bit that sometimes gets missed out in the more Pollyanna, happy-clappy interpretations.

You already know what to do. The thing is, do you really want to?

Tags: hypnotherapy myths, limiting beliefs, positive psychology
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The graduates of my annual Word Sauce Online Programme will be familiar with the name Marion Milner, a psychologist and psychoanalyst from the early part of the twentieth century.

In 1926, Milner decided to keep her own journal (a sort of close self-analysis) of the movements of her own mind, which she later published under the name of Joanna Field as a little-known but fascinating book, A Life of One’s Own (1934).

Milner’s motivation for keeping a journal was in order to understand more about the background feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction with herself that she had experienced for as long as she could remember. In particular, she wanted to understand why:

‘in certain moods the very simplest things, even the glint of electric light on the water in my bath, gave me the most intense delight, while in others I seemed to be blind, unresponding and shut off’ (p.68).

Using a method that would now be widely recognised by the field of positive psychology, Milner decided to track her moods and to identify what was helpful and unhelpful to her well-being. Her approach was not psychoanalytical but practical and behavioral, focused not on analysing the past but on noticing more consciously what is happening in the present.

In fact, her journal became an impressive piece of qualitative research as well as a practice of self-care. She kept it faithfully for seven years, at the end of which time she concluded that the single most important aspect of the way in which she experienced any one event or situation was the quality of attention that she brought to it.

She wrote: ‘I found that there were different ways of perceiving and that the different ways provided me with different facts. There was a narrow focus which meant seeing life as if from blinkers and with the centre of my awareness in my head; and there was a wide focus which meant knowing with the whole of my body, a way of looking which quite altered my perception of whatever I saw’ (p.15).

Although, initially, Milner was only able to access this more bodily awareness when she was ‘too tired to think’ and so able to ‘let go of the idea that one ought to have thoughts’ (pp75-76), she gradually developed the ability to induce this state by making what she describes as ‘an internal gesture of the mind’.

For example, when listening to an orchestra in concert, Milner noticed that ‘direct trying’ did not enable her to really listen or to still the chatter of her own thoughts; but by making an internal gesture by which she ‘seemed to put my awareness into the soles of my feet,’ or sent ‘something which was myself out into the hall’ she enabled intent listening to ‘just happen’ (pp.69-70).

Milner describes the series of small, barely perceptible movements through which she arrives at this wider more bodily awareness. Among them, she notes a pressing of her awareness ‘against the limits of my body until there was vitality in all my limbs and I felt smooth and rounded,’ and ‘the
spreading of some vital essence of myself…like the spreading of invisible sentient feelers’ (pp.73-74).

Over time, she realised that she could learn to control this ‘internal gesture’ so that she could move from a more narrow focus to a more bodily ‘wide attention’ at any time she chose.

I cannot think of a relevant piece of research for the practice of personal development today. Milner’s experiements in attention seem to me to be  fascinating descriptions of discovering the benefits of self-hypnosis and how these can be applied consistently over time.

In fact, if we look at the latest research in cognitive science, we might even suggest an underpinning for the kind of ‘internal gesture’ that Milner describes. There is growing evidence from developmental psychology that, as children, we possess interpersonal body schemas (an awareness based on self-other) and a rudimentary sense of proprioceptive self – from birth.

If this is the case, then Milner’s idea of ‘wide attention’ – based on a more bodily and felt self-experience (rather than our more habitual conceptual and thought experience) -  might be fundamental to the way that we experience and develop in the world.

It’s possible to see Erickson’s work as building upon this ‘indirect’ approach. By practising wider attention ourselves as hypnotherapists and by helping our clients to learn how to let go of more ‘direct trying’, we may be accessing something that is crucial to our sense of well-being.

Marion Milner – a woman ahead of her time and bold enough to depart from the ideas of her contemporaries to seek ways of undestanding how to acquire the attitudeand skill of happiness. Her writing is perhaps more relevant today than it ever was.

References:
Maron Milner [Joanna Field] (1934) A Life of One’s Own. London: Virago

Tags: haooiness, indirect hypnosis, Marion Milner, Milton Erickson, positive psychology, Word Sauce
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