I was talking to a dear friend of mine the other day who is making some changes in his life. In fact, he is on ‘a bit of a roll,’ as they say. As he makes one change and understands how he can let go of unhelpful thoughts and behaviors in one area of his life, he then begins to discover that he can also do that in another area.

It is a wonderful thing for me to witness and learn from: the way that so many things can become more possible as people make the initial changes that they wanted to make and then continue to grow in confidence.

What I also find interesting is that some of the people around this friend of mine have expressed their concern at the speed and momentum of what he is doing. They are saying things like, ‘Ooooo, be careful. Don’t take on too much,’ and ‘If you do too much at once, you’re setting yourself up for failure.’

And when I hear that, well-meaning as this advice might be, I find myself feeling really rather cross.

Because that kind of talk can really get to a person. Sometimes we need to actively choose to protect ourselves from this well-intentioned but ultimately flawed advice.

Now, when I’m working with clients, it is important to have some structure to our work, some clearly defined outcomes. And, yes, it’s certainly not advisable to begin making changes all over the place in a scattered and frenzied fashion.

However, it’s my experience that once we discover how to use the amazing power of our mind to, for example, stop smoking, we then realise that we can build on that focused success and, say, begin to enjoy regular exercise or develop our confidence in new situations. Our first successes can propel us forwards into new successes.

Just as it can take enormous initial energy to get a stone moving from a static position, as the stone starts to roll, it picks up more speed. It takes less energy for the stone to keep on moving now.

So when we find ourselves making changes and others say to us, ‘Oooo, isn’t that a bit too much?’ perhaps they’re really talking about their own fear of failure, their own worries and doubts. When we start to change our way of being, it often demands of other people that they change too – or highlights to them their own desires and fears around change.

Sometimes we need to protect ourselves a little from the hypnotic power of other people’s unhelpful self-talk.

Sometimes we need to surround ourselves with people who unreservedly support our change and are happy to cheer us on from a position of excited curiosity.

Only you can know the pace and speed of change that feels exactly right for you in this particular moment. Sometimes it’s about taking powerfully small steps, sometimes it’s about huge leaps.

And if someone else expresses their fear or worry for you, that may just be their own fear talking.